A Daughter

On December 9, 2011, a 3 week old, big headed baby girl dressed as an elf showed up at our house. I am not trying to be insensitive. Her head was large and doctors were concerned at her birth that abuse, while she was in the womb, could have caused enlargement. But after an ultrasound, it was determined that she just has a big head. I am happy to report that she has grown into that head! The elf suit made us laugh: Candy cane striped leggings and a green velour top with white trim.

That day we embarked on a lengthy process towards adoption. Over three and a half years later, we gathered (in the very courtroom where her case had been heard multiple times) with family and friends to celebrate her adoption into our family. Kinsey Lorraine Thomas is our forever daughter!

Death by Living

I saw on the news yesterday that Joan Rivers died. I don't know much about this woman except that she is a celebrity and was supposedly funny. While I am certain her family and friends are grieving her loss, I find it interesting what has been quoted of her in regards to her funeral plans. Apparently in a recent book of hers, she stated her elaborate desires. Ms. Rivers wanted her funeral to be the “go to” event with lights, cameras, and the paparazzi. Everybody who is somebody in Hollywood would want to be there. Now I have no idea if this will be how her funeral turns out, but with the publicity she has had this week since her passing I would not be surprised.

I attended the funeral of another Joan this week. The plans she came up with for her memorial were quite different than that of Ms. Rivers. She wanted a small, simple funeral with not a lot of fuss. My Joan wanted the funeral service to honor the King of heaven and earth not her. Her desire was that Christ the Savior of sinners would be exalted not her. Family, friends, and acquaintances knew where Joan’s hope was and where her home is. While my family is sad from the loss of this dear saint, we rejoice that she is in the presence of the One who made her acceptable to God. The disease that caused her death was just the means that the Lord used to bring her home, and she knew that. My conversations with my grandmother the past month were encouraging and spoke of the great testimony of God’s redeeming work. She had no fear in death. Her last words to me as I sat weeping by her side were “This is not the end, but the beginning of something much better.” Praise the Lord!

In regards to her funeral, there were no lights, cameras, or paparazzi. What I witnessed though were sincere people that had been affected by her life on this earth. The funeral home director had our family wait outside the chapel while folks were being seated. When time came for the service to start, we were escorted into the chapel. All seats were taken. Chairs had to be brought in from other locations in the building. People were standing in the back and along the wall. I am certain the fire marshall would not have been pleased. Our family barely had a place to sit. Was it because this was the “go to” event of the year? No. These dear, simple people came to celebrate the life of Joan who loved her Savior and declared that to all she knew. 

There's a new four year old in town

(I started this post a few weeks ago)

This cutie turned four last week. His birthday was filled with activities and food that he enjoys most.

Will took the day off which made it more special. We went to the pool, played games outside, and enjoyed our evening meal outside. 

I remember getting an email from our social worker, Pam, in late June 2010. She said a mom had showed up to the health department wanting to relinquish the rights to her unborn son. This mom wanted to choose a family. Pam asked if we would like to be considered. We were a little hesitant. Why? Our hearts were broken. We were about to say good bye the next day to the sweet baby girl we had been caring for the past five months. Could we risk heartache again? Pam reminded us that we knew all along that Mirah would return to her family (for which we are thankful and she is thriving!)

We told Pam that yes she could throw us in with other potential families for this birth mom to choose from. That was June 24. 

Why did this birth mom show up at the county health dept anyway? She had tried to use a private adoption agency but could not be promised that the adoptive parents would be able to be at the hospital when this baby boy was born. She was insistent that this child leave the hospital with his forever family and not waiting for placement. This is rare. Benji's case had been the first in 12 yrs for a birth mom to show up at our DSS and want to relinquish her parental rights to her unborn child.

On July 1, Pam showed up at our home unannounced. It was supper time when she knocked. She asked to speak to Will and I in private on the front porch. There she told us about meeting Sally(not her real name). Sally was a 20 yr old young woman very purposeful and determined in her mind that she was going to relinquish her rights to the child she was carrying. She told Pam that 8 months prior she had sat in an abortion clinic waiting her turn. When her name was called, she walked out of the clinic realizing she had no right to take a life and then determined to give the child up for adoption.

She asked Pam to see profiles and pictures of potential parents to her child. She didn't get further than ours. She took one look at our family photo and knew. What I love about the reason is that it had nothing to do with me and Will. Yes, she wanted stable, caring, loving parents, but Beau was the one. She said to Pam "This is my son's older brother." How kind of the Lord. We had been passed over for previous adoptions because we "already had a child". But here, Sally choose us because of our sweet Beau! 

We met Sally the following week. She was a determined young woman and very resolved in her decision to relinquish her rights. She set up a birth plan. When she went into labor, she wanted me and our social worker in labor and delivery with her.  It was difficult watching her labor through contractions for nearly 11 hrs. I felt inadequate because I couldn't help with the pain she was bearing to bring my sweet boy (her boy) into the world. When Benji was born(July 17), the nurse wrapped him up and begin to hand him to Sally. This brave one looked at me and said, "That's his mama." He was born at 7 pm one night, and she was gone the next morning by 10am. 

I have often played out the scenario in my mind of running into her one day. I will cry. I will hug her. I will thank her. But mostly I will tell of my thanksgiving to our great God who brought beauty to what seemed a hopeless, sin filled situation. This hasn't happened, and the likelihood is slim. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of her and the noble act of making a decision that benefited this child. He looks just like her, too!

Benji is a spit fire. He will argue his position and stand firm that he is right. His way or the highway. He gets in trouble a lot for this! He is also sweet and thoughtful. He expresses thanks frequently and tells me I am beautiful at the most unglamorous moments! He adores everything about Beau and wants his attention most of the day. Benji's favorite people are his family and spending time with them at home, around the supper table, at the park, beach, pool, or as he would say on an "venture"! (adventure)

I cannot imagine life without this boy. Thank you, God!

Legos with the "old man" dog.

He wants to be where the kids play.

Rainy day Chutes and Ladders with popcorn

My karate kid

A spontaneous trip to a small aircraft museum.

Can't see K's face. 3 stitches on the forehead.

She is our injury prone kid.

Had Beau and Benji stand in front of 'fort'!

I could write all my excuses for not blogging, but I won't. It is late on a Saturday night, my mind is tired, and I need to go to bed. You know what they say, "Sunday morning begins on Saturday night."
But a brief update for our family shouldn't take too long. Sweet K is still not officially ours, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. She likes to carry around different objects. Sometimes a toy spatula goes to Target with us or a fork. It is always random. Here lately a small etch a sketch has been a favorite. She will pretend to write her "special" name and show the cashier. I love her name.

We have been going hard this summer with our church moving to a new building. This has brought new and exciting changes.

I am tempted to think I have a hold on things at home, with schooling, and ministry. I may even try to look like I have it together. But really my children are running circles around me or wrestling in the background!

TPR

We have been waiting a long time to hear a judge rule in favor of DSS and terminate the parental rights of our sweet girl's birth parents. K is 22 months old and has been with us since she was 3 weeks old. She knows me as "mama" and Joe "daddy". The boys are her playmates and accomplices in daily mischief. But when a judge terminated parental rights on Friday, my response was mixed. While I am thrilled that we are one step closer to making K our forever daughter, in no way did I (or Joe) rejoice in the fact that a mother and father lost the right to parent this sweet girl. My heart breaks for this mom even though our adoption of a daughter is in the near future.

A Race

In middle school and high school, I was apart of the track team. I competed in sprinting events. I love to run fast. I always have. I think this from my dad. I can remember as a little girl watching him play softball from the dugout. When he ran the bases, I just assumed he was the fastest man around. And he was, at least to his adoring daughter. One day after track practice in eighth grade, I was feeling pretty confident with myself. I challenged my dad to a race. He was wearing jeans and cowboy boots while I was in full track attire. He smoked me. Needless to say I was brought back to reality.

In a matter of seconds, I was reminded that my dad, at age 35, was faster than his 14 yr old. That is the sure thing of a sprint race. You know the results quick. As an adult, I have attempted long distance running. When I say long distance, I mean 3 miles. I have learned that I do not have the patience to pace myself. I just want the running to stop after the first mile. I give it up to the ladies and gents who run and train for 10Ks, half-marathons, and so forth. I will cheer you on from the sidelines. My problem is I know one speed. I once ran a 5K at 28 minutes. I would run fast for 1/2 mile and walk 1/4 mile then repeat. I am sure you would not find that training regiment on the internet. I started sprinting regularly back in the spring. I try to go out 2-3 days a week and run 100m X 8. I am enjoying it. The children go with me, and I am done in 10 minutes.

This posture that I have towards running spills over to other areas of my life. When faced with a difficult situation, I am ready to find my way out or resolve the matter quickly. I am becoming convinced that this is due to my lack of patience and trust in what God is doing in my life and in the lives of those I love. Recent examples:

It has been 7 years since I have potty trained a person. This time around, I have a little dude who is determined to do it his way. My sweet husband reminds me that this is a short season and toddler Joe will eventually get it. It is hard to see that though when I am cleaning poop out of underwear or consoling my boy when his belly hurts because he refuses to go in the toilet. Not a sprint, but there is an end.

Twenty months ago, we welcomed a sweet baby girl into our family. We knew that adoption was highly possible but may take time. I never imagined it would have taken this long and entail all the drama and continued court hearings. Not a sprint. Possible end in sight.

Our sweet girl has been diagnosed with a seizure disorder. The neurologist also tells us her brain is not normal, but he does not know exactly what is abnormal about it.  May never know. Watching her development is key. When she was released from the hospital after staying for a week in March, the neurologist said, "This is the beginning of a marathon." Me..."Um, excuse me, I don't do long distance. Not what I want to hear. Can't you find something quick and treat it so we can move on from this?" I didn't actually say that, but I thought it. Not a sprint.

I want so much for my ten year old to see sin rightly and run with abandon to Christ; not pining for the temporal pleasures of this world. Not a sprint.

These are just snippets of circumstances the Lord is giving me to respond in faith and trust in His sovereignty. I like quick answers, but God's timing is perfect. Results may not come when I expect, at all, or how I want it to turn out. Here is what I do know. I am Christ's, and he is mine.

                               

Summertime

I recently took the children to my folks by myself. It is a seven hour drive from our house, factoring in bathroom breaks. I have never been so thankful to have a portable DVD player and a stash of movies than when I make this trip alone. Toddler Joe is not a good traveller. I use to say that he would out grow this, but he just turned 3 and is still the same. So, little Joe ques up the movies and we are off. Girlie naps and laughs at the back of my head. My parents are awesome! They are active and get the kids moving while we are there. Lots of play outside which makes for good naps and rest at night. The rest of our summer has been spent prepping for the school year, remodeling the back room, getting creative on rainy days, rearranging furniture around the house, day beach trips, doctors appointments, court hearings, and celebrating the July birthday boys!

She is crazy about water. No caution what so ever.

Patch was born the year we were married. Always nice to have my dad saddle him up for an afternoon ride.

Watching his brother.

Cheap slip n slides are the best for cooling off from the heat.

He is 10! My sweet oldest, boy. He is a dear to our family. My life is richer because of him.

Memories

I recently occupied my thoughts on the idea of making memories. I tend to associate memory making with pleasant events. Vacation, first steps, special visits with friends, anniversary celebrations, nights at the baseball field. And then there's the everyday sweet memories of morning kisses, freckled-faced smiles, delight in food, play outside, maybe sleeping in! Joe and I try to be intentional about making memories; some with plans while others are spontaneous.  Not all memories are pleasant or planned, though. Anyone reading this can attest to that. Sickness, week at the hospital, more sickness, uncertainties, remodel delays, strained muscles and ER trips are some of the events that were added to our plate this season. All circumstances and situations that the sovereign Lord ordains are for his glory and our good. While many may be difficult to encounter, these events are used to remind us of our need for the Savior. We are in need of his grace. We are in need of his wisdom. We are in need of remembering that our hope is not in this present time or our present circumstance.

Our sweet girl spent a week in the hospital. Tests and medication. More to come.

I love her goofy ways.

A first haircut...by a professional

Just for fun

Playing on the lawn of a

 historical home

Strawberry picking. Strawberry grazing.

Torn back muscle. Urgent care sent him to ER after this

My feet before getting sweaty outside

Short and Sweet

Tired babes. Lego creations. PJs all day. Freckled beauty. First time response. Refreshment outside. Opportunities with Dad. Love of books. Special gifts. Needed getaway. Front seat dogs.

I love my job

Joe and little Joe went to baseball practice Saturday afternoon. The littles and I stayed at home for naps. Before sleep, though, we took a nice leisurely walk in our neighborhood. Upon returning home, toddler joe informed me that he needed to show me some dirt in the back yard. So, off we went to the back. He picked up the shovel and began to dig in the grass happily. He paused, glanced up at me and said "I love my job" then back to digging. So sweet. I am not sure if he has heard this before or came up with it himself. I'll take it either way.

To Lent or Not to Lent: that is a question worth asking

Joe's wife asked Joe about Lent. Joe confessed that he is not informed enough to make a solid decision for his family to practice it for it is not commanded in Scripture and the Apostles are not seen practicing it (that's Joe's hermeneutic for regulating esse qua non Christian and Church practices). But Joe does not think it should be forbidden. Joe can imagine how it could be used profitably. But here are some thoughts about considering the practice of Lent and preaching of the gospel.

Be careful that one does not think their sacrifice merits God's favor. This seems especially easy for unregenerate folks to do, for it is their native operating system of thinking about salvation. This is also something that children naturally think.

Be explicit with teaching justification by faith alone during Lent. In order to make the gospel clear in the minds of those practicing Lent for Christ's sake, the gospel must be explicit. Implicit church liturgy, tradition, and calendars are only beneficial to those who have received explicit instruction on the gospel of Christ. And even to those persons the explicit gospel needs constant restatements. This is much more vital than the actual practice of giving up something to prepare for thinking about Christ's coming. Clarification about repentance as opposed to penance is something parents would want to teach their children through lent. Being declared righteous by God on the basis of faith in Christ is something that many who practice Lent do not understand. Protestants should not make this mistake possible due to their lack of explicit teaching on the gospel of justification by faith alone.

Be explicit with teaching justification by Christ alone during Lent. Lent, if anything, is a focus upon Christ. It is not making oneself worthy of redemption. It is not washing oneself up for Christ. It is not a spiritual attention getter of God. It must move one toward Christ and faith in him if it is at all Christian. Traditions without teaching are fodder for self-righteous, hollow religious persons and organizations. Preaching and teaching and talking about being righteous on the basis of Christ alone is necessary to understand for Lent to be of any profit. Christ has come. Christ has died. Christ has risen. Christus Victor has no message but trust in him alone be declared righteous by the Father. Protestants should make this explicit.

Be explicit with teaching justification by grace alone during Lent. The spring-loaded hermeneutic of man with grace is that something about him or something that he has done makes God come to him with whatever understanding of redemption his mind conceives. This is not true and if Lent is Christian, it should repel this notion not foster it. Teaching during Lent that one is made righteous in God's sight on the basis of God's grace to them pulls the rug out from their self-righteous religion's feet. If divine grace alone is not taught to be the foundation for the sinner's acceptance on Christ's meritorious death and resurrection then one ought not be surprised if some come to think of their actions in Lent as the opposite of justification on the basis of divine grace alone.

There's no law against Lent nor one for it. It can be done profitably if it is in concert with and connected with an explicit teaching of the gospel of the Christ it is intended to magnify.

My days are full. But full of good things. The day begins early with my sweet husband bringing me a cup of coffee to get me going. My time of reading and prayer is mingled with the sound of little ones waking. The two youngest are jabbering back and forth. I imagine they are planning out their day. Who is going to dump the megablocks out first? What is for breakfast? Why have they not come and gotten us yet? The oldest snoozes away savoring his sleep. Then it starts. Cooking, feeding, wiping, changing, wiping, washing, teaching, sweeping, wiping, correcting, folding, washing, teaching, correcting....and so on. I have complained in my heart at the work, and I am sure my husband and children can attest to my grumbling. The Lord has been gracious to convict me of my sin and remind me of His purposes for me. This is what I was made for! My Creator has made me a wife and mother. He has ordained my days to be spent praising Him through the work that He has given me at home. What a privilege.

"A mother builds something far more magnificent than any cathedral-the dwelling place for an immortal soul (both the child's fleshly tabernacle and his earthly abode). No professional pursuit so uniquely combines the most menial tasks with the most meaningful opportunities." Dorothy Patterson

Photo Shoot

I got this idea a few weeks ago to dress up the kids and take them downtown for a "photo shoot". There is a quaint little alley lined with old bricks, benches, and a fountain. It really was spur of the moment, and we went around our lunch time. In my home, hungry people don't make for happy people. What was I thinking? Poor planning but needless to say we arrived at our destination and all was well. Until I checked my camera....very low battery! How silly of me to leave the house and not think to check the battery. So is my story these days. It made for quick picture taking. My subjects obliged the best they could, but were soon eager to get home to lunch.

We had fun. It was somewhat comical to get everyone to look towards me and smile. I love the expressions and postures of all three. Lots of running and crawling in all directions.
There are more, but I cannot show girly's face. We didn't send Christmas cards out this year for that very reason. She has been with us over a year and is very much apart of our family. Sending out a card without her on it just didn't seem right to us.

Nothing in particular

Joe's previous picture post pretty much sums up our fall. Beach days, a week long adventure at my parents including a camping trip (think two adults, two boys, and two dogs in a tent for two nights! Little girlie got in the camper with my folks), a much needed visit with sweet friends in VA, an Ocracoke adventure for brothers and cousins, and our church retreat. Thankful for these sweet memories made. I need to be more mindful of taking pictures of just the everyday stuff too. Here is a description of a recent scene that pretty much occurs daily here: a dancing toddler amidst the toy shrapnel on the floor, baby girl getting into some lamp cords, and little Joe asking to play the wii. Or he is concerned for when I will start supper because mama is dancing with toddler above!

We do a lot of good eatin' around here. If I am not schooling, wiping a bottom, "loving" a bottom, or sleeping then I am in the kitchen! Right now I am on two kicks. Pioneer Woman and kale greens. First, PW has some recipes that have become favorites. Frito chili pie & spaghetti and meatballs top the list. I tweek the recipes to my liking and skip the fritos with the chili. (The pork roast I have in the oven as I type is from PW as well. Looking forward to sharing carnitas tomorrow with the saints.) These are also great because of the amount made is perfect for having leftovers. I usually make sure my Tuesday night meal has enough for supper on Wednesday night since we can seem a little hurried for church. Now the kale greens. I absolutely love them. I could eat them for breakfast, lunch, and supper. I have even made them as a snack for myself in the afternoon. I have gotten Joe and little Joe to like them. Still working on the others. All I do is throw some butter or coconut oil in my non stick pan. When melted, add the kale and a little coarse salt. Saute until beginning to wilt and turning a darker green. I don't let the kale get mushy. Paired with grilled chicken, fish, a fried egg, jambalaya, or beans of choice and you are set for an awesome meal. Or just eat them alone. Don't forget all the good nutrition included. I am considering blending some for a kale green smoothie. Joe says gross. What do you think?

A pictorial summary of this fall from Joe's perspective

Thankful to my Maker and Redeemer for the grace and provision for these memories with my family.